“I almost followed up, because, you know, that’s what we do.”
I almost added one more reminder.
One more explanation.
One more attempt to make my point.
Instead, I didn’t.
I let the words I’d already said float in the air between us.
Unfinished business between us.
Nothing was resolved.
It was uncomfortable.
I’m starting to believe that discomfort is not the problem.
It’s the uncomfortable, in-between space — until we find our way back to each other.
You don’t need to fill the gap.
But there is progress to be made in that space.
Let’s talk about how to benefit from that uncomfortable space – for both you and your child.
You’re invited to a free, 30-minute Parent Transformation session. No catch, just time for you.
Does your advice really help?
First, ask yourself one simple question.
Asking, “Does this really need to be said?” is a powerful tool for parents of teens navigating daily challenges.
During adolescence, emotions can run high, and tension may build over what seem like minor issues. By pausing and reflecting before speaking, you can avoid unnecessary conflict, build stronger relationships, and model thoughtful communication.
Often, we feel compelled to voice our opinions, offer advice, or correct behavior immediately.
But teens, whose job it is to become more independent and forge their identity, may receive these well-intentioned comments as criticism or control.
Before responding, take a moment to consider whether your input is truly necessary.
Is it supportive, or is it likely to trigger defensiveness? Is this a moment to guide, or is it a moment to simply listen?
This practice isn’t about going silent but being intentional with what you do and don’t say.
Teens benefit when they see their parents exercising self-control and responding thoughtfully. And sometimes that self-control is the decision to not reply.
Over time, this creates an environment where they can trust you to listen, rather than micromanage or criticize.
Hold back on non-essential comments to make room for more meaningful interactions.
Also remember that saying less ultimately gives your teen the chance to puzzle through things themselves.
Self-awareness and problem-solving skills will begin to grow.
When you’re tempted to offer advice or correction, pause and ask yourself, “Does this really need to be said?”
You might find that silence speaks volumes and fosters a deeper connection between you and your teen.
Advice-giving usually stems from our ‘good intentions’ to protect our children. And as you read, our good intentions can backfire.
Stay tuned throughout the year for more wisdom from our Parent Coach!
Fern Weis
is a Parent Coach, supporting and educating parents of teens and young adults. She helps parents nurture connected, trusting relationships, fine-tune communication skills, and create healthy, effective boundaries. In this way, they can better prepare their teens to be competent, confident, resilient adults who successfully navigate life and relationships.